Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Falling Off The Turnip Truck

It had been a bumpy ride anyway ....but I was used to that.  Just me and the turnips back there, tooling down a dusty country road after a hard day pluckin' em . I musta dozed off for a second,.....and as we rounded the corner.....well,  ...I just fell out!   Woke up in a cloud of dust ...looked up....and  Carlos just kept going. "Hey!!!"  I yelled,  as the festive sound of Mexican music faded into the distance. A day that started out as a hundred did before, became the day that it finally happened to me.  I had just fallen out of the back of a turnip truck.....
     For the longest of times, it was just me and them turnips back there. We knew nothing....wanted nothing...aspired to nothing. Mostly undesirable vegetables whose value was appreciated by very few.   I stumbled in a slow circle wondering where I would go.
     Suddenly, a huge black limousine appeared from a dustcloud.   A tall, dark man with sunglasses opened the door and told me to "Get in!"...    I got in.    He explained that he had been looking for me, and wanted me to come to his party.  "Most of the people coming..."   he explained...." are just like you!"  
    "Wow!"   I said..  "They all work in the turnip industry?   Do you think they could get me a job!?"     Before I could draw another breath, the doors unlocked and a large blackleather shoe came across my right cheek,   and I was once again left in a dustcloud.
      Minutes later, another black limo came sliding up the dry dirt road next to me.   The doors popped open,  and a well dressed man in a blue tie exclaimed to me...."Hi!   I'm Mitt Romney....and I'm running for president.!   I've been looking for you.   You just fell out of the turnip truck, right?"
     "Well, actually....I think I just fell out of President Obama's limousine."
The doors slammed shut and the man said to the driver..."Too late!....Let's go!...., and he flipped me a bird as his black tinted window rolled up and he sped away.

Bless you, damn you!!

She sneezed.  I said "God bless you.". She sneezed again.  "God bless you!"', I said again. She sneezed again.
                                         "I said God bless you, goddamn you!"
Bless you, ...damn you!  As if...on my command or recommendation,.... a soul should be placed in God's favor and protection. Or condemnation....

What makes me think that my will might become the will of God?
 Because I may pray for your cursed soul,  will my whisper to His ear change His judgement?   Who is He judging?  You?  ....or your influential friends and family?

My soul may very well be damned.  Should God rely on my life's witnesses to determine my ultimate fate?  Will they have seen something He missed?

If we are somehow conjoined in spirit and brotherhood...perhaps the pleas of those who know me might buy me the wings of glory.   Will the rope they throw me be long enough to reach the depths of my Hell?  Is it their judgement, or His?

I said God bless you, God damn you!   Sometimes I find myself counting on the blessings of others,  and discouraged by their curses.  I do not know what influences they have,..or if they have any at all!
My destiny is ultimately of my own choosing.  But if I am judged by my failures,  I hope that a wink and a nod from my brothers has some influence...

Thank You For Your Patience!

Awww!   Your welcome !   Thank YOU!!  ..for the 15 minutes of soothing elevator music you are about to play for me.
Oh!,  no!   Not me!   I am a patient man!
You know it..I know it...You thanked me for it....and so it must be  true....

My patience.

It is one of those things that is taken, before it is given.   Assuming that gratitude given before  action is taken, will ensure that action is taken.
I am going to turn these tables.  After stealing minutes of my life,  the first of the next four operators I will talk to today will willfully accept my gratitudes.  Implied and without substance,  with no grounds in reality or needed proof of worthiness....I will take their faceless recorded and canned gratitudes,   and give a few in return.
" Thank you for taking the time to listen to me!  " (  squirming operator leans back in swiveling chair and draws an impatient breathe )
.....15 minutes later.."  Thank you once again for your patience with me!   You are the first person in this company that has shown true integrity!"  ( suicide gesture of thumb to forefinger holstered for a moment , as the operator bathes in my recognition of their integrity)
" I am so glad you are not the stereotypical operator,  who just quickly spins me to the next operator,  and we suddenly and mysteriously lose connection" "  You are a great example for your company and I can see why they hired you"  ( re-affirmed existence for human trapped in rat-maze of cubicles.)
"Thank you for taking me directly to your supervisor!  You know, some people would have hesitated, or even lied and gave me a false supervisor to try to trick me into feeling satisfied.  You have been fantastic!  I will be sure to tell your soop about all the help you have given me today.  Thank You!"  (  hypnotized by the warm effervescence and daydreams of "thank you's" in a thankless job,  the operator robotically summons his supervisor)

Steal back some of that patience that was stolen from you,  through implied gestures.
It is a time when stealing and giving ...become the same thing.

Ben Carson,'s not brain surgery! (Which is why you do not belong in this Presidential race...)

Well, there we have it . This Nation's 'smartest' Presidential candidate! "Doctor" Ben Carson! Brain Surgeon! He's gonna 'smart' our way out of America's impending doom. But don't let your religious beliefs get in his way! He demands that you "subjugate" your religious beliefs to the U.S. Constitution....our new "Holy Bible". Should we thank God for his wisdom?

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Is the Pope Catholic ?

What used to be sarcastic way to answer a question with an inanely obvious answer...might be obsolete soon.  Has the Catholic Church succumbed to the will of it's masses in lieu of the will of God?  Has it checked it's financials, and decided that it must, God's word in order to keep it alive?   Reminds me of all the poor souls killed or jailed during Prohibition.  Criminals, were they?  Is hell-sending sin from yesterday...suddenly...not a sin  today?   Watch closely to see if wavering finances and waining church attendance lead to....less  "sin",   as the Church elects a new Pope with a seemingly more "open" mind.  The sins of yesterday may be erased with simple " reinterpretation".
    Is the Pope Catholic?   Maybe...not so much.....  as his role becomes more politicized in attempt to attract or keep parishioners.  Is the Church slowly morphing into a.....democracy?  

Monday, September 14, 2015

Global Fantasy

What enters your mind's fantasy when you think of "global warming"?  Lush green forests morphing into scorched parched desert?   Extra hot summers?  A malnourished polar bear balancing precariously on floating chunk of Arctic ice?   Skin cancer?   Sweaty hot summers?  High air conditioning bills?   Rising tides?  Curs-ed Republicans?   World famine and wars?   Apocalyptic doom?  God Himself relinquishing the Earth to Satan?

Human influence on Global warming is probably non-debatable. The lie propagated by the left on this that America can legislate, tax, and budget to fix it. This cocky-ass pompousness and self-righteousness represents exactly how we see ourselves. We are the only people on the planet! It may be a sad state of affairs....but no matter what the U.S. does to legislate, penalize, incarcerate, tax, ...or otherwise coerce and oppress it's own...we will not be able to dictate what the rest of the world does about the man-made element in global warming. It makes no sense to bankrupt this country even a silly and ill-fated attempt to stop global warming, while the rest of the world continues the staus-quo. We are not the whole world! We do not rule other countries, or own the planet! What exactly is the plan to stop it? To lead by example and hope others will follow? Global warming is happening.....but it is still debatable to what extent it is caused by humans and their creation of 'greenhouse gases', and to what extent it is a natural occurrence. And if God may grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot might find opportunity in such an occurrence, and begin to recognize that there might actually be some benefit to this global climate change. But if you like to be spoon fed, accept political propogandas, and fail to distinguish between an education...and an may become blind to them and oblivious. Discern the truths in those you admire, and in those that you don't!   Beat your own path to enlightenment!

A Shark has Come Between Us!

August 2014

I caught this "shovelhead" shark this morning by Ocean Deck. . How?   Well, first....I swam out past the breakers, and dove down to the ocean bottom. Then, I covered myself with sand like a flounder, with only my eyes sticking out, ....and a helpless mullet held tightly in my teeth.  This curious shark swam by, and  I GRABBED him!!!   We wrestled underwater for a few minutes....and I surfaced VICTORIOUS!!!!

P.S. Mullet is okay and swimming happily toward Ponce Inlet.

  Law enforcement was hovering nearby …  since this was close to the Ocean Deck ,  ...a beach bar where drunken patrons often try to sneak out on to the sand with an illegal beer in hand. A young sunburned lifeguard  made his way through the growing crowd on his four -wheeler. 

 He  could see an angry crowd developing  around the shark spectacle. The young lifeguard had to had to "call in ",  to see if the catch was legal,   and if I wasn't "officially" shark fishing!  It took them (VCBP  ,Volusia County Beach Patrol)   about 20 minutes to sort it out.  Soon,   I found myself caught in the middle of a very diversely opinionated crowd.

  There were some pretty heated tourists ….who felt sorry for the shark, and demanded to the beach patrol that I throw him back!  Then ….there were guys offering me 25,.. 50 dollars if they could have it!  (that's probly illegal )  . They were actually screaming at each other,   and the small crowd took sides ....with the   "eco-minded animal rights"   people on one side,   and the " Hemingway fish-killing macho-types "  on the other. 

   "Let him go...he didn't do nothing to you!"   screams one lady, practically in tears.   "No,   I wanna take him back to Kentucky with me!"...says the other side. "He's just a baby.....let him go, you moron.!! " , shouts a skinny  rainbow guy from behind a very large angry woman.    " Let him go??   What are ya nuts?!!   There are kids swimmin' out there!!",   proclaims a drunk guy in a Winston hat who made his way down from The Deck! 

   I had  netted a mess of finger mullet and had them frolicking in a tidal pool...(shark was by-catch).  A lady from the eco-minded side of the crowd begins to glare  at me with a seething contempt in her eyes,  and is working herself into a small rage.  She reaches into the tidal pool    and picks out my finger mullet. one 15 or 20 times,...  she bends over the small pool ( making sure to not lose eye contact with me) picks up the wiggly mullets , stomps over to the shoreline,     and releases them into the surf!   Like...15 or twenty times!  One by one!  By the TAIL!  

I just smiled...and if you know me...kind of marveled at the ridiculous chaotic scene!  In this lady's mind...  she was doing her part to save the planet,   and was showing love and empathy for all of God's creatures... as she plunked the gasping mullet into the shark-filled waters,  ....each one of them becoming the delicious straggler carnally irresistible to ocean predators the poor baits flutter around in panic outside of the safety of the  school! might suck lately,  ....but I think I have found some sort of sick pleasure in this sort of scene.  It is a microcosm of  what our society has become!   Emotionally driven poorly informed and spoon-fed amateur  ecologists saving the planet with a love fantasy.  

    I think I will try this again soon...and maybe this time bring a GO-PRO. 

Thursday, September 10, 2015

The God Particle vs. The Big Bang Theory

 "If the known laws of physics are extrapolated beyond where they are valid, there is a singularity". What?   "beyond where they are valid"?

It is a manner of thinking akin to the archaic "scientific" belief in "spontaneous generation".
Is it genius to come up with a theory that is afforded such great credibility, because it cannot be disproved ?   I know some pretty good liars, and unless you can get inside the chaotic brain patterns and psychotic brain chemistry, and somehow map and explain their elaborate will never "disprove " them. Is their lie now true?

IQ may distinguish a man of science from the masses, but his mind's limits remain the same. Unless, of course, the answers were gifted to him in a sort of  "immaculate conception"....his mind a womb for his gift to gestate.  He,'s  Virgin Mary.....chosen to give birth to it and show us the path to enlightenment.  

Spontaneous generation and "The Big Bang Theory" , are ideas spawned from a frustrated attempt to explain the unknown.  Something from nothing.

How did the universe begin?  Ooh!  OOh !  I know!  I know!    There was this,  er...big,...bang!  Yeah, !  A Bang!  And then " POOF"!   ...there was this stuff floating around and crashing and 'sploding and stuff, and then it turned human!  Your welcome!

"The particle accelerator, which will be restarted this week,  (March 2015) has already found the Higgs boson – the God Particle – which is thought to give mass to other particles.
Now scientists at Cern in Switzerland believe they might find miniature black holes which would reveal the existence of a parallel universe.
And if the holes are found at a certain energy, it could prove the controversial theory of ‘rainbow gravity’ which suggests that the universe stretches back into time infinitely with no singular point where it started, and no Big Bang". ---Sara Knapton, science editor, The Telegraph
You may be right, or you may be crazy.  But to believing you can conceive the inconceivable, proves you are the latter.

You may believe that God is a laughable notion made up by feeble humans in an attempt to explain the universe around them.  Will you replace it with your laughable notion made up by other feeble humans  to explain the universe around them...and then call it  "Science"?!
Spontaneous generation. The believers are still out there.  Their " Jesus" is Stephen Hawking....

Friday, September 4, 2015

U.S. Government Creates First Man-Made BLACK HOLE! Hadron Collider Racing to Compete!

Creating tiny black holes! Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland are still smashing atoms in an endeavour to produce microscopic black holes that exist for fractions of seconds. Across the pond, however, The U.S. Government has ALREADY SUCCEEDED  in producing the world's LARGEST BLACK HOLE!  It has existed for almost a century ! And they have NOT been able to contain it!!

This amazingly HUGE  and EVER-GROWING black mass is sucking the life and freedom from it's own citizenry,  and could devour anything else that gets too close!  The U.S. Constitution...The Bill Of Rights... Basic Human Rights , Liberties and Freedom... have been sucked into it and swallowed  while hard-working citizens frantically  throw money at the swirling giant hoping to satisfy it!  Oppressed submission  and surrender has them offering their own lives and the lives of their children as human sacrifice to an evil and all-consuming beast !

Eerily yet consciously  feasting on the human light of freedom  to expand it's vast darkness, the U.S. citizenry has closed it's eyes in a stagnated FEAR .   Prayers of God-less men unanswered, they must hide in their homes and quiver under the bedsheets while the hungry beast inches ever closer... searching for souls to feed it's insatiable appetite!