Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Shallow Hal

     " I am deeply superficial" (-  Zsa Zsa Gabor)   Do we really hate Newt Gingrich because his first name reminds us of a lizard, and his last name reminds us of the Grinch?  Do we like Mitt Romney because his first name reminds us of America's favorite sport, and because of our affinity for ramen noodles?   Is the vote going to be cast for the most handsome, the most photogenic, the most likely to win?   Will we vote for a loser because he can win? Please tell me we did not vote in Obama because he is black.
        I have heard from many men that their wife is the most beautiful woman in the world.  Their eyes see beneath the layers of crackling sagging skin and graying hair. The beauty they see comingled with the heart they have grown to know.
       It's time to vote ugly. All the handsome in the world won't ease the pain. How can we see through to the heart if we are all so deeply superficial?
      Eliminate political parties. No democrat....no republican...no libertarian...no wig or tea party.   Line'em up with bags over their heads. Listen to what they are saying! Try to find their hearts.  Compensate them without money. Empower them with your lust for freedom. Enlighten them with the radiance of your soul. You must fight for your stolen innocence..

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Jumping Out Of Airplanes

      We are in the last year. 2012.  Thanks to the insights of oracles like the Maya and Nostradamus,  we can now plan for the ultimate end.  Will we kneel down and pray?  Or will we jump out of airplanes? Chuteless?  Hang glide the Grand Canyon. Parasail over Jurassic Park.  One lump or two?  Why TWO, of course. Make that three. And yes, I want it biggie sized, and I do want fries with that. Will they even ask anymore?  Should I stock a cave in the mountains with post-apocalyptic canned goods. Hey!  Remember she said she wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth!   Well maybe you can finally put that one  to the test. Was your time well spent,...or well wasted? Will you attach new credibility to country music?  Is there such thing as a new cliche'? Ahhh...how about a time capsule?  Never mind,...your local dump has that covered. You could cancel your next dental exam.  Won't be needing the chompers.What will we do now that we must live like we are dying?  It's time to empty that 401-k.  Give that nasty boss of yours a piece of your mind.  Tell the kids they won't need to go to college!! Look for a comet to collect your soul?  Crumple to the ground in remorse for the life you've lived....or stare straight into the heavens with arms outspread as you receive eternal damnation?  What is Fiji really like?  All those hours toiling over the crabgrass and dollarweed in your lawn.....days...months...years....manicuring, landscaping, feeding....watering....getting rid of the bugs...And still !!  the neighbors grass is greener.  Does the world still end at the tip of your nose?   Or will the impending doomsday give birth to burgeoning brain receptors capable of telepathic empathy?  Will you find inner peace?  Can you save the world? Does it really matter?
      Dont panic!  There are still a few months left !!  Maybe. Grab a bean bag chair and fling it down the stairs to the basement. Pop open some of that vintage wine and have a seat. Watch some old home movies and reminisce.   Then grab your tab and book that flight to Fiji.  In your mind, you are there already...