Monday, August 22, 2016

Beach Dogs Bring Shitload of Trouble

Dogs and Horses on Beach!!

                       Frolicking so happily in the giant sandbox!

  So joyous and carefree!
   ....romping around  in the ocean waves....!

                          Seems like such a gleeful and nature loving event!


  Just remember,  that this is FLORIDA!  ....and around this time of year, our climate has  pretty much made the transition from "sub-tropical"---  to full-on "TROPICAL".

   Along with your favorite dog or horse,  come other little nasty creatures...that tend to thrive in the warm, moist, tropical  August Heat.

The State of Florida becomes a gigantic petri- dish....with all sorts of bacteria, and lovebugs,  and Zika virus carrying skeeters, and magical mysterious microbial brain swelling amoeba. Blooming exotic collections of mutating microscopic creatures bubbling up from the swamplands,   gurgling in the retention pond bath waters, morphing  daily  , or even hourly, that your slowly evoluting human form  cannot defend against them.

Now, as for that dog or horse....even if you were "responsible"  enough to pick up after them,  there is a very special problem,  especially in August.

                                        Cutaneous Larva Migrans!!

      YEEEECHHH!!    Or,  once they enter the human skin....a condition called "Creeping Eruption".

Just lovely!!    Once you get it,  retrieving happy memories of you and your playful puppy prancing around on the beach...will become much more difficult!   You may even think angry evil thoughts about punishing  your cursed furred friend, and start planning a trip to the dog pound. Though it's not his fault,  once you feel the EVIL of this will understand this burgeoning frustrated contempt!

Creeping eruption is a skin infection  caused by hookworms. The infection is also called cutaneous larva migrans or sandworm disease. Creeping eruption causes severe itching, blisters, and a red growing, winding rash.  These gooey, larvally, wiggling, thriving creatures wander meanderingly between the cutaneous and subcutaneous layers ...causing an intense itch as they wriggle around aimlessly under your skin!

                           Hookworm eggs have hatched!

.... and the larvae have found your thin layers of skin a good temporary host!

Don't mouth kiss your dog!!
Don't  lick your dog or let'im lick YOU!
DO NOT ACCEPT those lovable "doggy mooches " all over your face and eyes!
REMEMBER!!!,  your dog sleeps 'in-THE BUFF'.!!,  don't let'im into your sheets.
De-worm you canine friend regularly!
And when you are out slave- scooping it's feces God love ya, ....catch the maggotty-mess before it lands in the sandy soil,  where these wormy creatures begin their life cycle....


                          When you visit your doctor....BE PREPARED!

   (especially if your fantastic ObamaCare  health plan makes you choose from a list of crappy  providers with teen-age doctors who are fresh out of med-school to save money!)

   Many of these inexperienced doctors will diagnose these creepy crawlers as a "fungal infection",   or athletes foot.  Be aggressive!    Know the difference yourself!   Once properly diagnosed,   the doc will undoubtedly attempt to prescribe a topical IVERMECTIN.   It won't work.  Unfortunately,  you will probably have to do a course of ORAL IVERMECTIN,...(or in effect,  swallow some bug killer.)  It will make you queasy and maybe nauseous,  and could damage your liver.

But if you experience this condition,  you will happilly swallow the prescribed poison you begin to realize that the only other option is a loaded 30 ought 6 resting squarely under your chin as tears roll down your cheeks and on to your trigger-finger!