Friday, April 29, 2016

Case Study: The Ultimate Hand-wash Technique

Hand-washing is no longer voluntary.  It is now A REQUIREMENT OF THE LAW!!..in many places.  And,  it has become a workplace requirement by many employers.   "EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS BEFORE LEAVING".

....so,  you and your co-worker wash together.  Side-by-side  in the matching sink basins.  Glancing over at each other with tears in your eyes,  knowing that you will never quite be able to scrub-away the abuse you have taken in this place.  
So for now....humming the Happy Birthday song .....the song suggested by your supervisor as having the approximate appropriate length for a proper hand-washing job. 
Woeful glances,  and a tearful Happy Birthday Song.  

Hands thoroughly washed.  Time to dry.  Kinda looked silly trying to shut the water off with our elbows. Must keep the hands germ free....lest all that scrubbin' go to waste.   Don't touch the handles!!
Proper hand-washing techniques in the workplace,   require some real dedication to the process!   Please,  Mr. Employer,  NO BAR SOAP!   It is a cake of germs and you ask me to lather in it!  Please,  Mr. Employer...hands-free towel dispenser .  Or a Blow-dryer,  and enough minutes in here to dry them before you roll your eyes upon my exit from this place?!
Please,  employees....don't touch the faucet handles,  don't touch the towel-cranker, don't touch the door handle on your way out!  Don't bite your pen!  Cough into your elbow! Wear a medical mask, take your temperature before coming to work, don't shake hands with co-workers or customers. Talk to me from a distance of 15 feet or more ( although the 'butterfly-effect' of a 100 mph sneeze can affect an area 200 feet away,   the phlegm range is usually less than 15 feet)
Swab your desk area daily, and cover your telephone mouthpiece with a hanky. No,  you can't borrow my cellphone,  and no,  you may not pay for lunch with that dirty old CASH!   Credit only please,  and keep a clear transition from wallet to waitress and back again. And if you have failed in any of these, well....it is time for you to visit the lavatory again and sing the happy birthday song with HOT water and soap.
I know,  I know.   It's good for your health.  it's good for the health of the general public,  and yes, dammit!  You should wash your hands!  But there is something about "requiring" ...and even MANDATING this seemingly trivial task that sometimes makes me wonder.  Just how much control will the powers-that-be assume over even the most trivial parts of my life?  From inoculations,..to seat belts,...to super-sized soft drinks to the tearful handwash with woeful glances. 

Now...where's my Purell?!?